I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize