So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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