Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize