Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
