we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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