Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
