I am puke
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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