I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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