Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
