Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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