he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
