that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
