I wish my penis had an off switch
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
