Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
