I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
