I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Still dying that you shit outside
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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