Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
