She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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