so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
