I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
