please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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