you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
