I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
