can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
