Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
