i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
