That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
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THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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