honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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