Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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