she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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