So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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