I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
