Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
