can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
