so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
high people should be assigned attendants
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
