i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
