Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
