I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
