Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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