i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
