Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
