I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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