dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
its not stalking. its research.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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