My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i think i just lost a toe
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