I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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