so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize