I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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