the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
