There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
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Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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