Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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