Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
