He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
