life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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