Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
