Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
