Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
