Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
