So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I believe in your delicious
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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