I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
