Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
