Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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