GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
